dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
