Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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