Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
