So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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