Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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