I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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