spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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