just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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