I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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