yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
