You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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