Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
