i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
