he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
