Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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