I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
