Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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