I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
