I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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