if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
vagina is talking i cant
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
