Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When are your genitals available?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
