I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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