Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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