I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
