God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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