you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
