Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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