I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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