If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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