I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so let's talk penis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
