I faked an abortion last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
