You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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