I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he fucked my hip out of place.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
