Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
