hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
