Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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