youre lurking in front of me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
