I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.