Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
