Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
be right there i have to get my cape
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.