I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
