p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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