I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
