i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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