Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
