what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
