the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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