I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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