Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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