I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
