She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
