69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
