Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
