update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I supernannyed him into submission
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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