The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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