i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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