When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
