you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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