why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
