sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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