Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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