Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
