nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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