omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
