You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
