My balls are so social today.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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