Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
