i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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