So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
