dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You are a genius and a whore.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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