if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
