guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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