I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
