You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
