Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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