So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
