Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
