After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
