Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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